Well, the time finally came. My golden retriever, who had cancer in both her lungs and her kidney, started finding it very difficult to breathe. It was too much of an effort to even eat after she had just stood up. We decided that night that in the morning it would be time to put her down. It was the saddest decision of my life. All night we were just petting her, crying, and reminissing of all the times we’ve had together. Her eyes were wide and lost. We knew she understood, though. That night two of us slept with her in the living room, bursting into sobs every couple of minutes. We stayed up fairly late and when I woke up in the morning a time had been set to put her down at ten thirty. I went upstairs to cut some stuff out of magazines, clean my room, get ready, anything to pass the time and forget. Yet then the time was changed to 9:40.
I went downstairs when the floor was empty to talk to my dog alone. We all were just talking to her now-you’d be surprised how much you really want to say to your dog. I told her how she’d feel all better in heaven.There would be so many hot dogs and all of them would want to meet her. She could go swimming all the time, anywhere she wanted. She wouldn’t have to eat diet food any more. And then, it was time to go.
The car ride was horrible. All I could do was lean over into the back of the car and stroke my dog and she huffed from being carried into the car. Everyone was crying including me. The ride seemed to take forever yet then seemed so short as the car pulled into the veterinary parking lot. Two people came out to greet us, avoiding our red puffy eyes. One of them was an awkward pale skinned teenager, probably not much older than I. They muttered how sorry they were-the girl was much more sincere. The boy didn’t really know what to do and I felt sorry for him. He does not want to see this family mourning over their soon to be dead dog. Carefully they rolled her onto a stretcher and brought her into a back room. They told us not to worry, they were just getting the IV in her, she would be fine when she came back into the room. Then it began.
Everyone was very quiet around the room we were in. I wish they were louder-they could hear us all crying. The same girl came in to give us some paperwork, get the credit card for payment, and hand us a very large box of very soft tissues. I laughed through my tears because of the tissues and also because of the fact that we’re paying to have our dog killed off. But maybe that’s just me. Then a kind woman came in and gave us a blanket that was set upon the floor. Then, slowly, the door opened and my dog was lifted through, huffing again. She was laid down upon the blanket and for a moment she sat up and looked normal again. She always loved the smells of the vets office. Yet this tired her and she lay down again, huffing rapidly. They gave us a good 15 minutes or so alone with our dog. We talked to her and pet her, lying with her on the floor. Time went quickly, every five minutes was a second. And then came the needles.
The vet explained what was going to happen. She was first going to sedate our dog so she couldn’t feel anything. Then she would give her an anesthetic. Finally, the drug that killed her. She said it would go by quickly, which made me feel like crying again. Time was going so quickly already. She moved the box of tissues towars us and stuck the sedation in the IV in our dogs leg. I pet her soft fur, vowing to remember everything about it. I took in her body and her eyes, her soft ears. Then her body began to go limp. I gave myself a small laugh, she looked comical for a moment as she brought up her head. She was probably confused. Then she rested her head on her paw. Then came the bad part. Her eyes started to roll up. Then came the second part. I’ll always remember this. Her head just slipped off her paw, all control gone, and hit the floor. I cried again. It was like she was dead although she was still breathing. And then came the killing shot and she was gone. Her body limp, her heart stopped, we all just hugged her, crying. As I type a tear trickles down my face. The woman left and we all just cried and cried. and then it was only me, the one who never cries, just sobbing and sobbiing. Taking in her lifeless body. And then we left and I know I’m never going to see her body in full form again. Only in ashes.